Monday, 7 May 2012
Monday, 7 May 2012
Complaints and Some Negativity.
Hello loyal readers! While I am still reasonably alert, and while I still can, here is pretty much all you need to know about what happened to me since my last entry.
My cancer came back...again. It surprisingly spread to my lungs, causing my cough to return and to my right kidney again. This was discovered through a chest X-ray and an ultrasound done at the abdominal area around the end of April.
Chemotherapy is not likely to work on me anymore, as I had the strongest dosage of chemotherapy administered to me previously before my stem cell transplant. Radiotherapy at so many random areas where the tumours are situated is also not advisable. Hence, I am now under a new kind of medication. Unfortunately, a very expensive kind as well. I am praying and hoping with all my heart and soul that this new medicine can work its magic on me and rid of all of these evil cancer cells once and for all.
The relapse of my cancer for the third time is not only devastating, heartbreaking, and torturing my family and myself; it also sounds somehow ridiculous. Even if I don't find it ridiculous, I know that there are a few people who just might have this thought flash through their minds, even if it's only briefly,
Well, you're not the only one who wants me to get well. That's me, and a whole lot of other people out there.
I have been battling cancer since I was seventeen in 2010. It's already going to be mid-2012, and here I am, wondering if there was actually any improvement to my condition throughout this journey.
I see articles of teens around my age who got the same condition, and went through similar treatments. Yet, while they are already under remission, I am still stuck with this annoying thing called cancer.
I am truly happy that cancer is out of their lives. Seriously, cancer is no joke. Cancer isn't just some minor flu that you can control with a couple of pills or just simply shrug it off.
But honestly, I question myself so many times,
I follow my doctor's orders down to a tee. I'm careful with my food. There are all these 'tips' on how to manage one's diet when one is struck with cancer, i.e. no meat, no seafood except for fish(then again, some people also mentioned that fish without scales and fish with whiskers like catfishes should also be avoided), nothing fried and oily, etc. There are some who say that I must become a vegetarian at a chance of a full recovery and a long remission.
Despite being a massive food lover, I sometimes feel like I'm stressing myself out by putting all these limitations onto myself. I admit, I get paranoid. I adhere to these seemingly stupid rules when I can(and that is most of the time) for that tiny glimmer of hope that I can get better. Also, I am getting desperate. Since people have all these rules tried and tested, I thought to myself, why not give it a shot?
But no, it doesn't work on me, apparently.
I'm really frustrated, and I'm running out of options. I have readers who had left me tags and comments on alternative treatments. I thank these readers for sharing such information with me. Right now, I'm doing whatever research I can on these treatments. To be very honest, I hope I don't need to resort to them after this.
Meanwhile, besides all of the depressing news and rants that I just loaded you readers with, I do have some positive things to blog about. But all of that shall be in another entry, which I'm hoping will materialise very soon instead of me making seemingly empty promises on blog posts that never seem to appear on this humble little space of mine.
Till then, take good care and lots of love from this blogger.
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