I was officially diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Mediastinal Large B-cell Lymphoma in July 2010. I was seventeen. I was in Form 5; my last year of secondary school, preparing to sit for the SPM examinations.

I would consider myself an average teenager - a girl who just wanted to have fun, with her quirks; trying to survive life as a teen.

It all started with me coughing non-stop after a bout of the common flu. Despite making several trips to my family doctor's clinic, the cough just won't seem to go away even after months of being under medication. Several prescriptions of cough drops later, my family doctor suggested to my parents and I to have a chest X-ray done for me.

A large tumour was discovered; situated in between my lungs, right in front of my heart. The tumour was pressing against my trachea, causing me to have slight breathing difficulties and all that coughing.

I stopped going to school almost immediately. My parents and I went on this journey to seek advice from specialists regarding my condition.

Next, I had a needle biopsy done which confirmed that the tumour consisted of active cancer cells. I had to go for a surgical biopsy to classify what kind of cells were they, so the proper treatment could be administered right away.

The cancer had then spread to my pancreas, kidneys and liver.

Afterwards, I went through six cycles of chemotherapy(R-CHOP) and self-studied for the rest of the year. I was lucky that I was fit enough to sit for my SPM examinations at the end of the year right after my last chemotherapy session scheduled for me was completed. Or else, I wouldn't be able to successfully graduate from secondary school. I had a lot of people telling me to just skip the examinations and relax for a bit, but my stubbornness got the better of me. I was determined enough then and thankfully, I did alright. At least I could fully focus on getting myself treated without worrying that I did not complete even my most basic education in Malaysia.

At the end of 2010, I went for a PET scan. My tumour did shrink, but it was still there.

When 2011 came, I went for radiotherapy this time. I had 25 fractions done.

I thought I was on the road to recovery at long last, but unfortunately…no.

A few days before my scheduled PET scan, I felt extreme soreness at the right side of my abdomen. It made me lose sleep at night, and my coughing fit was back. The oncologist in charge of my treatment for radiotherapy felt something near my right kidney. I went for a PET scan the very next day, and found out that my cancer had spread again. New tumours surrounded both my kidneys once more and my lower spine. Radiotherapy was crossed out from the possible ways of treatment, since the radiation will damage my kidneys, affecting their function tremendously.

I had three more cycles of chemotherapy(R-ICE) done. This proved effective for awhile, but after every session - the cancer would get aggressive and we went back to square one. Finally, it was decided that I was to undergo an autologous stem cell transplant. I had my stem cells harvested, and I went through a few days of high-dose chemotherapy before the transplant. I was hospitalised for a month. I had zero immunity, and blood infections which caused high fever haunted me. I made more trips back to the hospital to rid of the infections.

I am currently under quarantine and recuperating from the transplant; dealing with the side effects from both the transplant and my radiotherapy sessions - causing breathing problems, dizziness, fatigue, etc. The latter is the cause of a now weak heart.

I went for another 27 fractions of radiotherapy due to a tumour above my left kidney discovered by a PET scan in December 2011. My left kidney has lost its function.

Through another bout of coughing, I was advised to go for a chest X-ray and have an ultrasound done at the abdominal area. It is confirmed that my cancer relapsed for the third time. I am now under a new kind of medication.

***
So much had happened throughout me battling cancer.

Other than the physical challenges I have to go through, I also have to deal with my decreasing level of self-esteem and emotional health.

I do admit, I am a typical girl when it comes to me wanting to look pretty. You may call it vanity, but I say it's just me wanting to look presentable and good.

Imagine, I went bald twice; not once, but twice! Surprisingly, no tears came! (I later realised that it’s the process of waiting for my hair to grow again that’s truly challenging.)

This time, I hope I can truly make a full recovery and do my bit for the community. Also, hopefully my cancer journey as a teenager managed to inspire you and give you a more positive outlook on life. Quite a number of us assume that cancer only affects adults. On the contrary, I am a living example that that mindset is certainly untrue. It's not for me to tell you how to live your life, but you only live once, so treasure your life and your loved ones while you still can. Stop and smell the roses once in awhile, and you'll find that life is so fulfilling with just happiness and good health. A successful career, good grades - definite bonuses and great goals, but with life being so unpredictable; you'll never know what might happen next. Be content with what you already have, count your blessings and live life to the fullest without any regrets.

Believe me, I'm speaking from personal experience.

***
Click hereto go back to reading!

Hello loyal readers! While I am still reasonably alert, and while I still can, here is pretty much all you need to know about what happened to me since my last entry.

My cancer came back...again. It surprisingly spread to my lungs, causing my cough to return and to my right kidney again. This was discovered through a chest X-ray and an ultrasound done at the abdominal area around the end of April.

Chemotherapy is not likely to work on me anymore, as I had the strongest dosage of chemotherapy administered to me previously before my stem cell transplant. Radiotherapy at so many random areas where the tumours are situated is also not advisable. Hence, I am now under a new kind of medication. Unfortunately, a very expensive kind as well. I am praying and hoping with all my heart and soul that this new medicine can work its magic on me and rid of all of these evil cancer cells once and for all.

The relapse of my cancer for the third time is not only devastating, heartbreaking, and torturing my family and myself; it also sounds somehow ridiculous. Even if I don't find it ridiculous, I know that there are a few people who just might have this thought flash through their minds, even if it's only briefly,

"Not again? Come on, can't she get well already?!"
Well, you're not the only one who wants me to get well. That's me, and a whole lot of other people out there.

I have been battling cancer since I was seventeen in 2010. It's already going to be mid-2012, and here I am, wondering if there was actually any improvement to my condition throughout this journey.

I see articles of teens around my age who got the same condition, and went through similar treatments. Yet, while they are already under remission, I am still stuck with this annoying thing called cancer.

I am truly happy that cancer is out of their lives. Seriously, cancer is no joke. Cancer isn't just some minor flu that you can control with a couple of pills or just simply shrug it off.

But honestly, I question myself so many times,

"When is it going to be my turn to recover...?"

I follow my doctor's orders down to a tee. I'm careful with my food. There are all these 'tips' on how to manage one's diet when one is struck with cancer, i.e. no meat, no seafood except for fish(then again, some people also mentioned that fish without scales and fish with whiskers like catfishes should also be avoided), nothing fried and oily, etc. There are some who say that I must become a vegetarian at a chance of a full recovery and a long remission.

Despite being a massive food lover, I sometimes feel like I'm stressing myself out by putting all these limitations onto myself. I admit, I get paranoid. I adhere to these seemingly stupid rules when I can(and that is most of the time) for that tiny glimmer of hope that I can get better. Also, I am getting desperate. Since people have all these rules tried and tested, I thought to myself, why not give it a shot?

But no, it doesn't work on me, apparently.

I'm really frustrated, and I'm running out of options. I have readers who had left me tags and comments on alternative treatments. I thank these readers for sharing such information with me. Right now, I'm doing whatever research I can on these treatments. To be very honest, I hope I don't need to resort to them after this.

Meanwhile, besides all of the depressing news and rants that I just loaded you readers with, I do have some positive things to blog about. But all of that shall be in another entry, which I'm hoping will materialise very soon instead of me making seemingly empty promises on blog posts that never seem to appear on this humble little space of mine.

Till then, take good care and lots of love from this blogger.

Cheers!

Labels: lymphoma and me, medical procedures, musings

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Shin.1966 - 2009. "She lives forever in the hearts of those who knew her, and know of her."
I watched a documentary about her battle against cancer on Mediacorp's Channel 8 in 2008, back when I was still fifteen. I was really touched by her strong will and constant optimism despite her condition.

I found her blog and sent her an e-mail, expressing how wowed I am by her. All I wanted then was to tell her to keep up the good fight, and she was doing at good job at it; I learnt a lot about life in that one night through her documentary and blog entries than in my fifteen years of living life - complaining and whining when I was actually one lucky brat. I honestly didn't expect her to reply.

Guess what? She did.

I would like to share her reply to me with all of my readers. It also works as a reminder to me that I should keep up the good fight as well. I hope she doesn't mind, but I personally don't think she will; bless her good soul.

11th November 2008.

Leonie,

Thanks for your kind e-mail. It's taken me a while to respond because I only just saw it. I look at my Gmail account once every week or so. This Yahoo account is more reliable if you want to contact me.

I truly appreciate your words of praise and encouragement.

You say that you're a 15-year-old Malaysian student and that you're not good with words? You should know that your short note was more articulate, well-written, and intelligently expressed than most of the comments I've been getting - many of them, adult professionals.

I don't know what you plan on doing with your future, but with your gift of expression, I think you've got a bright future ahead of you, professionally. And more important, you seem to have a maturity and insight beyond your age. I'm betting that you go on do something great with your life - not in terms of money or fame, but something that will make a difference to the people and the community around you.

Thanks, and good luck to you.

Shin

*** Shin had really good foresight. Even if I personally don't think so, I guess my friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have got to know of my cancer journey will agree that I did manage to 'make a difference to the people and the community around me.'

Rest in peace, Shin. My only regret then was that I didn't get to reply your e-mail in time. Cancer took you away not long after, and this will always bug my conscience for being such a procrastinator.

But you have enlightened me in so many ways, and you continue to live in my heart as my inspiration to keep up the good fight.

Keep up the good fight. That should work well as a personal motto.

To my readers who want to know more of this amazing person, do visit her blog at http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com and watch the documentary I watched by clicking on this link.

Thank you Shin. Thank you for making such a difference to my life.

©Photo of Shin belongs to her family members.

Click hereto go back to reading.

Hello loyal readers! While I am still reasonably alert, and while I still can, here is pretty much all you need to know about what happened to me since my last entry.

My cancer came back...again. It surprisingly spread to my lungs, causing my cough to return and to my right kidney again. This was discovered through a chest X-ray and an ultrasound done at the abdominal area around the end of April.

Chemotherapy is not likely to work on me anymore, as I had the strongest dosage of chemotherapy administered to me previously before my stem cell transplant. Radiotherapy at so many random areas where the tumours are situated is also not advisable. Hence, I am now under a new kind of medication. Unfortunately, a very expensive kind as well. I am praying and hoping with all my heart and soul that this new medicine can work its magic on me and rid of all of these evil cancer cells once and for all.

The relapse of my cancer for the third time is not only devastating, heartbreaking, and torturing my family and myself; it also sounds somehow ridiculous. Even if I don't find it ridiculous, I know that there are a few people who just might have this thought flash through their minds, even if it's only briefly,

"Not again? Come on, can't she get well already?!"
Well, you're not the only one who wants me to get well. That's me, and a whole lot of other people out there.

I have been battling cancer since I was seventeen in 2010. It's already going to be mid-2012, and here I am, wondering if there was actually any improvement to my condition throughout this journey.

I see articles of teens around my age who got the same condition, and went through similar treatments. Yet, while they are already under remission, I am still stuck with this annoying thing called cancer.

I am truly happy that cancer is out of their lives. Seriously, cancer is no joke. Cancer isn't just some minor flu that you can control with a couple of pills or just simply shrug it off.

But honestly, I question myself so many times,

"When is it going to be my turn to recover...?"

I follow my doctor's orders down to a tee. I'm careful with my food. There are all these 'tips' on how to manage one's diet when one is struck with cancer, i.e. no meat, no seafood except for fish(then again, some people also mentioned that fish without scales and fish with whiskers like catfishes should also be avoided), nothing fried and oily, etc. There are some who say that I must become a vegetarian at a chance of a full recovery and a long remission.

Despite being a massive food lover, I sometimes feel like I'm stressing myself out by putting all these limitations onto myself. I admit, I get paranoid. I adhere to these seemingly stupid rules when I can(and that is most of the time) for that tiny glimmer of hope that I can get better. Also, I am getting desperate. Since people have all these rules tried and tested, I thought to myself, why not give it a shot?

But no, it doesn't work on me, apparently.

I'm really frustrated, and I'm running out of options. I have readers who had left me tags and comments on alternative treatments. I thank these readers for sharing such information with me. Right now, I'm doing whatever research I can on these treatments. To be very honest, I hope I don't need to resort to them after this.

Meanwhile, besides all of the depressing news and rants that I just loaded you readers with, I do have some positive things to blog about. But all of that shall be in another entry, which I'm hoping will materialise very soon instead of me making seemingly empty promises on blog posts that never seem to appear on this humble little space of mine.

Till then, take good care and lots of love from this blogger.

Cheers!

Labels: lymphoma and me, medical procedures, musings

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