Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Tuesday, 14 June 2011
Hello readers! I shall try not to type anything irrelevant and focus on just the events that occured since my last entry.
Firstly, I had a PICC line and CVC line inserted.
The former is done because:
- I require multiple blood and platelet transfusions due to my low blood counts caused by chemotherapy.
- I require multiple blood tests which needed blood to be drawn out quite frequently.
- It is needed for my bone marrow transplant. I'll have to undergo a high-dose chemotherapy to kill basically nearly every living cell in my body - both cancerous and non-cancerous cells.
- It will certainly make my life slightly easier, because then I won't need to have needles poked/inserted into me many times. With a low platelet count, my blood can't clot easily like an average healthy person, i.e. there's a possibility that I can literally bleed to death. Scarring will also be more serious, and both new scars and old take a much longer time to heal.
Secondly, I have been in KL staying in the hospital for long periods of time. I can hardly remember how home in JB looks like, since I have been away so much. The moment I'm admitted, I never see the light of day(the view from the window doesn't count) till I'm discharged. And when I'm here, I normally have to stay for a minimum of five days. Go figure.
Thirdly, my side effects are really a killer this time. I'm not going to mention each and every one of them here, but I'll talk about the one that bugged me the most. I had this sore throat that was so severe, words like 'awful' and 'horrible' aren't enough to describe how bad it affected me. Something simple like swallowing became such a chore! I would equate the pain to having someone force a small sharp-edged rock down your throat. Now, imagine that kind of pain every time you have to swallow food, water and even just saliva. Not forgetting that I also had pills to take. The pain was really so bad, I tear up every time I had to swallow anything. It didn't help that I had ulcers all over my gums and tongue which conveniently multiplied the pain and discomfort of eating and drinking. Lesson learnt here - never take eating and drinking for granted. I feel lucky that I didn't need to be fed through a tube. So should all of you normal, healthy people!
Fourthly, I am recovering from a blood infection. It caused me to have a fever of the highest temperature yet - 39.8°C. I am very glad I am still sane enough to type this entry out.
Last but not least, I am proud to say that I am bald again. Like hey, which other girl you know is willing to go bald not once, but twice and had actually done it? The whole hair loss episode haunted me again shortly before me returning to KL for my third chemotherapy session. I thought it would be more practical to just shave all my hair off and spend my endurance in facing the gruelling side effects of treatment. My mum mentioned to me about getting me a wig a few times with my dad supporting the idea, but I declined. I mean, to invest in a good wig is quite pricey and my parents are already spending a whole lot of cash just to get me well and treated. I honestly don't want to add to their already existing burden because I'm insecure about my looks! I personally know that I will definitely rant about my insecurities here one day about how I currently look like, but I don't think that's going to be the main issue for now. And truthfully, it never will be.
I hate to sound like a parrot, but to those who are truly concerned about me, have been leaving me really nice messages on Facebook and remembering me in their prayers - they have my sincerest thanks. I also apologise for not replying to everyone that contacted me. The people-pleaser part in me is nagging at me a lot, and I feel obliged to reply - which brings up this immense guilt in me every single day. I do feel bad for not responding right away and possibly making people worry, but I'm just not up to it with my current energy levels. It might be too much to ask, but I hope that everyone can try to understand this, forgive me for very late responses that may come months after you contacted me and not assume what you don't know. To be assured of that will seriously make me feel a lot better about myself and going through treatment won't be all that bad after all. (:
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