Saturday, 16 October 2010
Saturday, 16 October 2010
It's Not Easy To Be Me - Five For Fighting.
Being a cancer patient now, especially at this particular age - I honestly regret the past me. Me who did not understand the ups and downs of an individual who has cancer.
I read many newspaper articles over the years about cancer patients and survivors of different ages, telling their stories. I have seen charity shows on television, seeking funds to help the needy. All of them have their problems and difficulties.
As part of an audience, their stories can impact your lives. You can either choose to help them or people in similar situations, or not give a damn at all.
I was one of the people who watch and read their stories. Then, I feel bad because I'm not able to do much to help them. Next, I'll remind myself of one of my personal vows to make sure that I give back to society - financially when I have a stable income, physically and emotionally as a girl who has been blessed enough compared to how life has treated them. Finally, I'll say a silent prayer, thanking the Creator for my current life. The cycle repeats itself over and over.
So, when cancer hit me, it made me grow up really quickly. I learnt life lessons in a matter of days, months even that might take others nearly a lifetime to learn. Maybe never at all.
As much as people claim to understand my situation or my family's, in the end, it's really up to my own willpower to fight this annoying shit called lymphoma. The support, encouragement, prayers and well-wishes I have been getting all this while from my family, relatives, friends, teachers, tuition teachers, acquaintances and even strangers - they sure make me stronger, and their good intentions remind me of a very solid reason to fight on and get cancer over and done with.
Hey! I'm still seventeen. There are so many things I want to do - things that I'm passionate about, ambitions to achieve, fears to conquer, and of course - to enjoy the simplicity of joy and happiness.
There was a possibility that lymphoma could have taken my life away. There was a possibility that my parents would lose a daughter. My brother, a sister. My buddies, a friend. My teachers, a student. The people who know me, a familiar face. And the list goes on and on.
I took a lot of things for granted before. Funny how you only start to appreciate someone or something only when they are gone.
Knowing me, I put a lot of unnecessary pressure on myself. Hence, as of the 5th of July this year, my new motto in life is to definitely stop and smell the roses. I think all of us should, too.
Sometimes, I wish I could live a simple village life, where materialism hardly exists and activities like catching fish in rivers that are hardly polluted, climbing up trees and simple games are capable of bringing smiles to faces. Where the womenfolk do their household chores together, and hear them chattering away from matters ranging from the day's weather or the neighbour's daughter getting married off to some wealthy man. A place where the hustle and bustle of city life and its complications would not turn most of us into schemers, liars and betrayers.
With the aforementioned statement, I think I would like to experience a homestay programme. And of course, I want to go backpacking and explore outside Malaysia. Open up my eyes more, and see the beauty of simple, everyday matters in lands of rich cultures and traditions, unique and special in their own ways.
I know in everyday blog posts and conversations, I don't sound that deep.
Honestly, thoughts and opinions like these are what my brain processes the most.
I think last-minute studying for SPM is also playing a part in why I'm blogging about matters like these.
Cheers to all!
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