I was officially diagnosed with Non-Hodgkin's Mediastinal Large B-cell Lymphoma in July 2010. I was seventeen. I was in Form 5; my last year of secondary school, preparing to sit for the SPM examinations.

I would consider myself an average teenager - a girl who just wanted to have fun, with her quirks; trying to survive life as a teen.

It all started with me coughing non-stop after a bout of the common flu. Despite making several trips to my family doctor's clinic, the cough just won't seem to go away even after months of being under medication. Several prescriptions of cough drops later, my family doctor suggested to my parents and I to have a chest X-ray done for me.

A large tumour was discovered; situated in between my lungs, right in front of my heart. The tumour was pressing against my trachea, causing me to have slight breathing difficulties and all that coughing.

I stopped going to school almost immediately. My parents and I went on this journey to seek advice from specialists regarding my condition.

Next, I had a needle biopsy done which confirmed that the tumour consisted of active cancer cells. I had to go for a surgical biopsy to classify what kind of cells were they, so the proper treatment could be administered right away.

The cancer had then spread to my pancreas, kidneys and liver.

Afterwards, I went through six cycles of chemotherapy(R-CHOP) and self-studied for the rest of the year. I was lucky that I was fit enough to sit for my SPM examinations at the end of the year right after my last chemotherapy session scheduled for me was completed. Or else, I wouldn't be able to successfully graduate from secondary school. I had a lot of people telling me to just skip the examinations and relax for a bit, but my stubbornness got the better of me. I was determined enough then and thankfully, I did alright. At least I could fully focus on getting myself treated without worrying that I did not complete even my most basic education in Malaysia.

At the end of 2010, I went for a PET scan. My tumour did shrink, but it was still there.

When 2011 came, I went for radiotherapy this time. I had 25 fractions done.

I thought I was on the road to recovery at long last, but unfortunately…no.

A few days before my scheduled PET scan, I felt extreme soreness at the right side of my abdomen. It made me lose sleep at night, and my coughing fit was back. The oncologist in charge of my treatment for radiotherapy felt something near my right kidney. I went for a PET scan the very next day, and found out that my cancer had spread again. New tumours surrounded both my kidneys once more and my lower spine. Radiotherapy was crossed out from the possible ways of treatment, since the radiation will damage my kidneys, affecting their function tremendously.

I had three more cycles of chemotherapy(R-ICE) done. This proved effective for awhile, but after every session - the cancer would get aggressive and we went back to square one. Finally, it was decided that I was to undergo an autologous stem cell transplant. I had my stem cells harvested, and I went through a few days of high-dose chemotherapy before the transplant. I was hospitalised for a month. I had zero immunity, and blood infections which caused high fever haunted me. I made more trips back to the hospital to rid of the infections.

I am currently under quarantine and recuperating from the transplant; dealing with the side effects from both the transplant and my radiotherapy sessions - causing breathing problems, dizziness, fatigue, etc. The latter is the cause of a now weak heart.

I went for another 27 fractions of radiotherapy due to a tumour above my left kidney discovered by a PET scan in December 2011. My left kidney has lost its function.

Through another bout of coughing, I was advised to go for a chest X-ray and have an ultrasound done at the abdominal area. It is confirmed that my cancer relapsed for the third time. I am now under a new kind of medication.

***
So much had happened throughout me battling cancer.

Other than the physical challenges I have to go through, I also have to deal with my decreasing level of self-esteem and emotional health.

I do admit, I am a typical girl when it comes to me wanting to look pretty. You may call it vanity, but I say it's just me wanting to look presentable and good.

Imagine, I went bald twice; not once, but twice! Surprisingly, no tears came! (I later realised that it’s the process of waiting for my hair to grow again that’s truly challenging.)

This time, I hope I can truly make a full recovery and do my bit for the community. Also, hopefully my cancer journey as a teenager managed to inspire you and give you a more positive outlook on life. Quite a number of us assume that cancer only affects adults. On the contrary, I am a living example that that mindset is certainly untrue. It's not for me to tell you how to live your life, but you only live once, so treasure your life and your loved ones while you still can. Stop and smell the roses once in awhile, and you'll find that life is so fulfilling with just happiness and good health. A successful career, good grades - definite bonuses and great goals, but with life being so unpredictable; you'll never know what might happen next. Be content with what you already have, count your blessings and live life to the fullest without any regrets.

Believe me, I'm speaking from personal experience.

***
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It's been a few days since I last blogged here.

Well, there's not much to update about my life. It's pretty much the same old routine everyday.

My life at home now revolves around very healthy and nutritious food, sleeping a lot, watching nearly every show on TV that catches my eye, taking my medicine if there are any, and attempting to study for SPM 2010. Yes, I'm quite determined to sit for SPM this year. Or I will have to face the problem of having the syllabus for the literature components changed for both the Malay and English languages' papers.

I'm not encouraged by the fact that I need to learn and understand completely different short stories, poems, novels and scripts all over again if I were to take SPM next year. As much as I enjoy literature, I really don't want to endure a situation like that.

Oh yes, let's not forget updating my blogs. And going online replying messages and comments on Facebook.

I don't even have my life as a typical average ordinary student to talk about. As I blog-hop from one blog to another, I actually can't help but to feel jealous every time I see blog posts with photos of these young bloggers with their friends, having fun in school. Or hanging out with their friends. Just doing what a normal Malaysian student does best.

As for me, this was the life I had before. I didn't appreciate it enough though when I had it.

I was too busy trying to cope with the workload I had. It doesn't help that I'm a natural procrastinator. I put things off and I play hard first before working hard. The stress from my hectic schedules got to me, and I realised I never did stop to smell the roses once in awhile.

So there you have it. I am now a girl who is lacking in inspiration to blog. I do appreciate the comments, whether by commenting on my Facebook wall or by ear, saying how much I had inspired people with my story. I'm glad to know that. It feels like I am doing some good for this world of ours.

I feel guilty that I cannot come up with perhaps equally inspiring posts this time. Forgive me, readers. This blogger does encounter something called a writer's block occasionally. I just felt the need to update this blog tonight before I turn in for bed. Least I feel guilty in the sense that I did not update as often as I would like to as usual.

The moral of the story?


Till a more inspiring post, cheers to all!

Labels: musings

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Shin.1966 - 2009. "She lives forever in the hearts of those who knew her, and know of her."
I watched a documentary about her battle against cancer on Mediacorp's Channel 8 in 2008, back when I was still fifteen. I was really touched by her strong will and constant optimism despite her condition.

I found her blog and sent her an e-mail, expressing how wowed I am by her. All I wanted then was to tell her to keep up the good fight, and she was doing at good job at it; I learnt a lot about life in that one night through her documentary and blog entries than in my fifteen years of living life - complaining and whining when I was actually one lucky brat. I honestly didn't expect her to reply.

Guess what? She did.

I would like to share her reply to me with all of my readers. It also works as a reminder to me that I should keep up the good fight as well. I hope she doesn't mind, but I personally don't think she will; bless her good soul.

11th November 2008.

Leonie,

Thanks for your kind e-mail. It's taken me a while to respond because I only just saw it. I look at my Gmail account once every week or so. This Yahoo account is more reliable if you want to contact me.

I truly appreciate your words of praise and encouragement.

You say that you're a 15-year-old Malaysian student and that you're not good with words? You should know that your short note was more articulate, well-written, and intelligently expressed than most of the comments I've been getting - many of them, adult professionals.

I don't know what you plan on doing with your future, but with your gift of expression, I think you've got a bright future ahead of you, professionally. And more important, you seem to have a maturity and insight beyond your age. I'm betting that you go on do something great with your life - not in terms of money or fame, but something that will make a difference to the people and the community around you.

Thanks, and good luck to you.

Shin

*** Shin had really good foresight. Even if I personally don't think so, I guess my friends, acquaintances, and strangers who have got to know of my cancer journey will agree that I did manage to 'make a difference to the people and the community around me.'

Rest in peace, Shin. My only regret then was that I didn't get to reply your e-mail in time. Cancer took you away not long after, and this will always bug my conscience for being such a procrastinator.

But you have enlightened me in so many ways, and you continue to live in my heart as my inspiration to keep up the good fight.

Keep up the good fight. That should work well as a personal motto.

To my readers who want to know more of this amazing person, do visit her blog at http://shinscancerblog.blogspot.com and watch the documentary I watched by clicking on this link.

Thank you Shin. Thank you for making such a difference to my life.

©Photo of Shin belongs to her family members.

Click hereto go back to reading.

It's been a few days since I last blogged here.

Well, there's not much to update about my life. It's pretty much the same old routine everyday.

My life at home now revolves around very healthy and nutritious food, sleeping a lot, watching nearly every show on TV that catches my eye, taking my medicine if there are any, and attempting to study for SPM 2010. Yes, I'm quite determined to sit for SPM this year. Or I will have to face the problem of having the syllabus for the literature components changed for both the Malay and English languages' papers.

I'm not encouraged by the fact that I need to learn and understand completely different short stories, poems, novels and scripts all over again if I were to take SPM next year. As much as I enjoy literature, I really don't want to endure a situation like that.

Oh yes, let's not forget updating my blogs. And going online replying messages and comments on Facebook.

I don't even have my life as a typical average ordinary student to talk about. As I blog-hop from one blog to another, I actually can't help but to feel jealous every time I see blog posts with photos of these young bloggers with their friends, having fun in school. Or hanging out with their friends. Just doing what a normal Malaysian student does best.

As for me, this was the life I had before. I didn't appreciate it enough though when I had it.

I was too busy trying to cope with the workload I had. It doesn't help that I'm a natural procrastinator. I put things off and I play hard first before working hard. The stress from my hectic schedules got to me, and I realised I never did stop to smell the roses once in awhile.

So there you have it. I am now a girl who is lacking in inspiration to blog. I do appreciate the comments, whether by commenting on my Facebook wall or by ear, saying how much I had inspired people with my story. I'm glad to know that. It feels like I am doing some good for this world of ours.

I feel guilty that I cannot come up with perhaps equally inspiring posts this time. Forgive me, readers. This blogger does encounter something called a writer's block occasionally. I just felt the need to update this blog tonight before I turn in for bed. Least I feel guilty in the sense that I did not update as often as I would like to as usual.

The moral of the story?


Till a more inspiring post, cheers to all!

Labels: musings

0 comment(s):

Post a Comment